UR Joking

An open letter to junior year

I made a bulleted list. Why? To convince myself that if I’ve survived what I deem pretty damn miserable, I can really do anything.

There are freshmen in your walls

⛧ n̸̪̎̋à̶̡̜͔̍͐͝m̵̜̠̣͉̬̋̈́͘e̵̜͚̥͆̅̃̈́́ ̸̘̩̒̂ą̶̭̖̓̑n̴͎̍͆͗̋͐d̸̠̔ͅ ̸͕̻͔̪̙̽͛m̴̝̫̪̀͐ą̷̿̒̊̈ĵ̷͎̜̭̈́̄̀ö̷̳̫̥͓̭r̴̹̰̘̱͗̿͋̄̈́?̶̙̫̠̖͖̔̽ ⛧

The maze formally known as Gilbert Hall

It’s okay to turn a blind eye to abusing the laws of the natural world. All this reporter can do is turn around and walk out of Gilbert. 

A letter to future UR kids

You can be bent over for two reasons at this school — either you're laughing so hard you can’t breathe, or you’re getting fucked over.

The Joker speaks

This sent me down a rabbit hole — how much force do you need to physically remove a male genitalia from the rest of the body?

Considering campus curses

I heard that this curse was actually invented within the last two decades to create some lore and mystery. I think the campus needs some new curses.

The Joker Speaks: This guy thinks he’s funny?

They made new neighborhood watches to “keep an eye” on me and I’m now “on a List,” but what else is an honest guy to do for a good day’s work?

You should extort the housing lottery!

I’m not saying seniors should extort students and profit hundreds of dollars. I’m saying that generosity could be killing monetary benefits. 

I really, really dislike this sign

This is not only wrong, but downright un-American. I refuse to elaborate on how.

POV: help

I can submit this on time. I will not be ready to submit this on time. The submit button stares back at me. I avert my eyes.