Satire
Satire
Dr. Chatbot sued, loses medical license
In early February, Dr. Chatbot was arrested and indicted on over 10,000 counts of malpractice. Due to the doctor’s uncanny ability to change their appearance seemingly at will, and therefore their ability to slip past monitoring systems, they were deemed a flight risk and detained in cells across the web.
Valentine's Day
Valentine’s surprise; Stacks to be open 24 hours
To this point they’ve made one thing clear: Donations from couples who met on campus are too precious to lose to COVID-19.
Political Comedy
Email from a distraught, unvaccinated donor
Nobody told me there was a cutoff for illegal benefits, and it would have been nice to know considering my most recent donation of $150 and two black market kidneys seems to total only $5 net value under the apparent “official” vaccine “price.”
economics
Disobey the no-guest policy as an act of civil disobedience
I encourage the rest of campus to follow suit in my noble endeavor to stop the unjust laws governing our campus and really stick it to the man with me.
election
Fighting back against voter fraud
All my Facebook friends have now been informed, except for my grandson. He’s a communist because he told me that we should “count all the votes.”
Administration
A day in the life of University middle management
If you consult the delegation guidebook, you’ll see that crises on River Campus are delegated to the Dean of the Faculty of Arts, Sciences, and Engineering.
election
A President who will cut the malarkey!
The Biden transition team has put forward a platform, “We pledge in our first 100 days to abolish the scourge of malarkey in all of its forms.”
election
Letter to the Editor: Tinder isn’t working for me
Maybe “I’ll make you feel like Donald Trump makes America feel” isn’t a great opening line.
#Sheeple
Wake up sheeple!
Decked from head to toe in sheepskin vests, fluffy boots, and sheep-adorned masks, you’ll never guess what twist this group of FOX News viewers pulled on the “ridiculous CDC regulations.”
#Part of a complete breakfast
Soylent-Quarantine for Halloween
Our scientists and witchcraft students have invented a new kind of food that not only can feed our students, but has all the saccharine empty calories of Halloween candy.