Political Comedy
candidates
Voting day: Rochester’s newest school tradition
If you thought Meliora Weekend was fun, with highlights such as the giant “Meliora” sign, food trucks, and the obviously…
pistachios
Pistachios becoming “disturbingly normalized,” warn centrists
“Finally, just in time for the midterms, they have something to unite them: disdain for the pistachio.”
elections
CT’s SA Election Suggestions
Here are some suggestions the Campus Times has compiled to make elections Ever Better.
Political Comedy
Biden-Mangelsdorf affair revealed
This yet-to-be-formally-confirmed bombshell is expected to send huge waves through Washington and Rochester alike.
Political Comedy
UR Alum and Ex-Trump aide reveals former president thought COVID-19 was Xi Jinping prank
Desperate not to be the victim of yet another one of Xi’s pranks, Trump ignored what he saw as a fake crisis.
Political Comedy
Email from a distraught, unvaccinated donor
Nobody told me there was a cutoff for illegal benefits, and it would have been nice to know considering my most recent donation of $150 and two black market kidneys seems to total only $5 net value under the apparent “official” vaccine “price.”
#Sheeple
Wake up sheeple!
Decked from head to toe in sheepskin vests, fluffy boots, and sheep-adorned masks, you’ll never guess what twist this group of FOX News viewers pulled on the “ridiculous CDC regulations.”
Anti-racism
Anti-racist DPS policy to include blindfolds
DPS plans to have all officers wear blindfolds or horse blinders when driving because, “if we can’t see their face, we can’t tell their race.”
Political Comedy
Public Safety requests guns to ensure the safety of a completely deserted campus
Public Safety director Clark Livingston took the CT on a tour of all the potentially dangerous locations where students currently aren't.
Political Comedy
Here’s how Barry can still win
It's 1986. It's 1962. It's 1988. It's 1981. It's 2020. It's 1991. It's 2024. It's 2016. No matter the year, Bernie and Barry Sanders share a destiny.