Humor

Deciding between the magic of Christmas and lucrative career at law firm, Hallmark movie protagonist challenges the capitalist society we inhabit

Fortunately, the Campus Times found that Ms. Jinglebell had relocated to her childhood hometown, where she opened a Christmas-themed bakery.

Groundhogs plot to take over the University

The groundhogs are part of a top-secret, elite organization Hegemony of Groundhogs (H.O.G.) and are plotting to take over the school.

GEEDISQUEST: A wholesome IRL Geedis side quest

On the most recent anniversary of my eviction from the womb, I turned the key to my dorm and swung open the door to discover a startling sight: Geedis.

Shoe thoughts to chew on

Flip-flops are the complete opposite from your high class delectables. It’s a bit of a hit or miss, but they’re your quick snack.

Brainrot

Originating from the epicenter of sigma male dominance — Skibidi Toilet, Ohio — Skibidi Slicers are the go-to meal for the true alpha grindset warriors.

New trend: NOT pirating textbooks

However, there is one skill that no one can live without: using slightly-maybe-not-so-legal illegal means of obtaining materials necessary for class.

Fake Yellowjacket Weekend activities

In the following 48 hours, new students must get stung by a number of professionally trained yellowjackets, as determined by the year they graduate.

The grief of a lost Bubly machine

What do you do when that which you love is stripped from you unceremoniously? When all of a sudden, something has fundamentally changed?

See my summer? Very interesting, very busy

I could probably shuttlecock a shuttle. Shuttle a shuttlecock. Shuttle a cock? With my eyes closed.

Available now, for a limited time: Pig Syrup

The fact that this market hasn’t been tapped yet astounds me. There are so many reasons to transform into a pig!