Humor

You should extort the housing lottery!

I’m not saying seniors should extort students and profit hundreds of dollars. I’m saying that generosity could be killing monetary benefits. 

I really, really dislike this sign

This is not only wrong, but downright un-American. I refuse to elaborate on how.

POV: help

I can submit this on time. I will not be ready to submit this on time. The submit button stares back at me. I avert my eyes.

The Taxman cometh

I know He is tempting me. The more I profit, the more he can take from me.

Gender vs. God: Tips and tricks to escape the vengeful hand of a benevolent omnipotent being

Passover is underway, and if you are unlucky enough to be male, goy, and firstborn, it is a truly terrifying time indeed.

The yearn to earn 

From the day I became self-aware, I have desired to devote a literal third of my entire adult life to working for you. At your very company! 

April showers… mean worm hours?

It’s a graveyard of fallen earthworm soldiers, and if you dare to blink while walking, you are liable to end up christening your new Nikes with Eau de Worm.


A message from David Byrne

Per the agreement, I would write, record, and perform a gesamtkunstwerk titled “American Utopia” in order to boost Americans’ faith in The Government.

EMP blamed for internet wipe out

On Thursday, an Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) was detonated in the 3M stacks within Rush Rhees Library, effectively shutting down the Internet on  River Campus.