April Fools
crusade
My crusade against the UR parking office
I allowed my predator to believe I was prey — let them roam the jungle, beat their chest, and act like they could never be defeated.
April Fool's
Free the monkeys
These poor creatures were being experimented on to learn calculus, neuroscience, electrical circuitry, and art. They were staying up until 4 a.m. trying to figure out how to complete these wild assignments.
April Fool's
Good advice Brian
Well, that’s too bad – I’m actually just going to gatekeep all of this information. You won’t get a peep out of me.
April Fool's
Getting touched by the boogeyman
At the tender age of 18, I was horribly frightened by such stories. After all, I didn’t want to be taken away to the dark lands by the Boogeyman.
April Fools
Mangelsdorf spotted protesting for Palestine, pledges to support students
“My responsibility as [UR’s] president is to protect and support students,” Mangelsdorf told the crowd.
Bad Tattoo
This is awkward: I have a full back tattoo of Kanye and Jay-Z passionately embracing
Last week, I was at the public pool, about to swim a few laps, but I couldn’t even make it through one without being relentlessly mocked for my tattoo.
April Fool's
Don’t save the bees!
And you know what the worst part of it is? Not a single one of them apologized afterward. They just went back to their frivolous bee activities.
April Fool's
Exclusive interview: the little guys inside the Wilco speakers
In an exclusive interview with the CT on Sunday, I sat down with Dirm Pittleford, the chieftain of the little guys in the Wilco speakers, to find out more.
Billboard Hits
A timely appeal to the youth: Mangelsdorf covers Taylor Swift’s ‘You Need to Calm Down’
So I figure, good ol’ Tay Tay Swizzy is the bridge to make my anti-union stances clear—maybe these damn kids will finally shut the hell up.”
