Archives - Benjamin Schiffman
Political Comedy
Email from a distraught, unvaccinated donor
Nobody told me there was a cutoff for illegal benefits, and it would have been nice to know considering my most recent donation of $150 and two black market kidneys seems to total only $5 net value under the apparent “official” vaccine “price.”
election
Fighting back against voter fraud
All my Facebook friends have now been informed, except for my grandson. He’s a communist because he told me that we should “count all the votes.”
#Part of a complete breakfast
Soylent-Quarantine for Halloween
Our scientists and witchcraft students have invented a new kind of food that not only can feed our students, but has all the saccharine empty calories of Halloween candy.
Administration
Message to the UR community on recent controversy
In the spirit of supporting our students and retaining a happy campus, we have decided to create an environment of blissful ignorance.
Anti-racism
Anti-racist DPS policy to include blindfolds
DPS plans to have all officers wear blindfolds or horse blinders when driving because, “if we can’t see their face, we can’t tell their race.”
COVID-19
Study shows food provides protection from COVID-19
“Because social distancing is required at all times, and I can’t have any visitors, the news that food prevents coronavirus spread has completely saved my social life,”