Archives - Brianna Lindsey
advice
Help! My Upstairs Neighbors are having Fun
About that Irish step dance class… oof. That’s “totes not chill,” as I’m sure you and your hip friends have often put it. No hat, or something.
Narratives
Confessions of a homicide-report hopeful
Am I hopeless? Is it the murder victim #70 shirt I wear? I keep it updated every week, to make sure I’m on top of everything. Besides, they leave the torso intact so it would make everything so much easier.
UR Joking
Cease and desist, humor editors!
Please, I beg of you, please stop sending me emails. I’ll do anything! I’ll take an 8 a.m. class with mandatory attendance! I’ll fill out Dr. Chatbot every day! I’ll fix my sleep schedule! Anything! Truly!
UR Joking
November’s champion: Spooks, sleighs, or squawks?
There is one question which haunts, jingles, and squawks in the distance — which holiday is November really about?
UR Joking
GAC rivals Meliora monkey lab for worst vibes on campus
I leave sweating, not from pumping some iron, but in fear of Chad, Brad, and Thad, who might just be running a gym cult.
Satire
Wellness Wednesday advice: If going to be sad? Don’t!
Recently, one of our dedicated researchers came across a stash of emails, buried deep within the University’s drafts. Clearly, someone had been trying to dispose of the evidence.
Darwin
Darwin: wise or wack?
I come to you today, dear readers, with what I unabashedly believe to be the biggest scientific revelation in the history of our species.
UR Joking
8 ways to make friends during a pandemic (#4 will SHOCK you!)
In these unprecedented, never-before-seen, new, foreign, unexplored times of quarantine, it’s more important than ever to remember that humans are social creatures.
Satire
Dr. Chatbot sued, loses medical license
In early February, Dr. Chatbot was arrested and indicted on over 10,000 counts of malpractice. Due to the doctor’s uncanny ability to change their appearance seemingly at will, and therefore their ability to slip past monitoring systems, they were deemed a flight risk and detained in cells across the web.
Douglass
CT Eats: Douggie
I found some real delicacies there, and I’m honestly impressed... that I’ve been eating the same three things without ending up comatose.
