My boyfriend’s penis is only 2.5 inches long. I’m used to longer penises than this, but I love him so much I don’t want him to know he’s so small. Is there any way I can fix this and make my sex life more pleasurable?
I’m not sure whether the “2.5 inches long” refers to an erect or flaccid (non-erect) penis. Most research suggests that the average length of a non-erect penis is 3.5 inches and the average length of an erect penis is approximately 6 inches. Penises can also vary a lot in terms of how much they change when erect; that is, some increase very little in size when erect (“showers”) whereas some increase a lot (“growers”). That being said, if you’re referring to a man who is 2.5 inches erect, this does qualify as a micro-penis, a condition that the BBC estimates affects 1 in 200 men.
In terms of physical sensations however, the most sensitive aspects of the women’s equipment tend to be the clitoris, which is often missed during penile penetration, and the first inch or so of the vaginal canal. For this reason, many women argue that girth (width) of a man’s member may be more important than the length.
Our sexual scripts are very much centered around a man’s penis so it’s not surprising that many men and women put a lot of importance on its size and make it the focus of sex (e.g. sex begins with penile penetration and ends with the man’s orgasm). In reality, intercourse shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all, especially since it rarely results in an orgasm for a woman.
Truthfully, the majority of sexual satisfaction you experience has little to do with your boyfriend’s size, but rather how he chooses to be attentive to your needs. Many other factors such as adequate foreplay and sensitive clitoral stimulation will go a long way to increase your arousal and result in much more satisfying sex. Ian Kerner’s book “She comes first” offers some great game plans in terms of reworking your sexual script, for example suggesting that activities that were previously considered “foreplay” be reframed as “coreplay” – i.e. occupying a central role.
Many times, concerns about size are also confounded with skills, but given the choice, most women would prefer a man with a smaller penis who had good skills in the bedroom to a well-endowed man who knew or cared little about how to please his partners. In fact, I’ve heard colloquially that some women prefer a man with a small penis because it helps foster creativity and a variety of appreciated skills. Sadly, some men who are well-endowed have the mistaken notion that the equipment they have is all they need.
My friend told a girl on campus that I masturbate to her Facebook pictures. I thought she’d be turned on by that but she confronted me about it and told me to stop, but I don’t want to. Can I get in trouble?
Fantasies are by nature personal, and whatever thoughts you choose to have when masturbating are entirely your own to explore and enjoy in your mind. This is why when you inadvertently make them public by sharing with a less than trustworthy source, it can backfire and create an awkward situation.
Although I’m sure you thought you were paying this girl a high compliment, it can come off as invasive, especially if the two of you haven’t been romantically attached. Think about how you’d feel if you knew that another person that you never thought of in a sexual context – the bus driver, the person who serves you lunch in the Pit – was pleasuring him/herself to your pictures? Essentially, it forces you to think about a sexual context with a person that you hadn’t freely chosen, which understandably can be uncomfortable and possibly scary. For this reason, I’d suggest that you stop sharing your fantasies with anyone other than a sexual partner who is interested and asking questions about them.
Truthfully, I’m guessing fantasizing and masturbating to any public photographs is very common, although most people probably don’t share this with the target out of embarrassment. Really though, given all the other different options out there, I’d suggest simply finding a new and exciting target to fantasize about privately instead.
Estrada is a visiting assistant professor in the Department of Clinical & Social Psychology.
To submit an anonymous question, visit sex-thect.tumblr.com/ask.
