To Whom it May Concern,

I want to begin by thanking each and every one of you for all the amazing experiences, memories, and of course, articles. Nothing truly makes me feel more appreciated than having a document shared with me at 3 a.m. with an urgent request for edits. With a heavy heart and sorrowful mind, I must announce my formal resignation from the Campus Times as opinions editor. My life has revolved around the opinions of others for a year now, and perhaps it’s time for a lil switcharoo.

It’s always “I think this” and “I think that” and, “blah blah blah here’s a random non-credible source yada yada ya.” You know what I think? You know what I need? Less opinions. As the wise Preminger from “Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper” once said, “Why don’t you stick to your books, schoolboy.” I don’t know where all of you find the time to write pages and pages worth of opinions, but stop. Please. I’m screaming, crying, throwing up, begging you to let me out of the dungeon that is Wilco 103. There are no windows, there is no joy; there are just white walls laced with asbestos, somebody’s Google doc that doesn’t have the correct sharing permissions, and the five slacks/emails/texts that each writer still hasn’t responded to.

Currently mid-breakdown,

Evie

Former Opinions Editor for the Campus Times



Dedicated to everyone in the movie theater who laughed at “The Substance”

“The Substance”, though quite effectively campy and satirical at times, is not a comedy.

Free the monkeys

These poor creatures were being experimented on to learn calculus, neuroscience, electrical circuitry, and art. They were staying up until 4 a.m. trying to figure out how to complete these wild assignments.

Dr. Olidamra’s commitment to benefiting armadillo research

“Yeah, he’s a bit... weird about his armadillos,” Deckham added, awkwardly shuffling his feet. “Like, he talks to them. A lot.”