It’s been four months since I published a statement introducing the campus community to Daisy, the two-pound tyrant who rules over us all. Hopefully it hasn’t been too difficult for you all to adjust to her iron-pawed rule. However, there has been a recent shift which hangs like a spectre on Lady Daisy’s noble court and she would like the people to know that she is Not Pleased.
After a simply lovely trip up to her winter estate for the greater part of the holiday season, Daisy returned home to once again rule over and protect her realm. Yet, not two weeks had passed when a certain someone, or should I say something, began causing unrest in the kingdom.
The invader is said to be known to his followers as “Kip” or “Kipper.” My sources tell me that Kipper is a word sometimes used to refer to a male salmon during its spawning season, and this vile cur certainly shares the garish fish’s determination when it comes to bothering the good Lady Daisy.
Kipper behind bars where he belongs
Early attempts at diplomacy went poorly. Initially, the dastardly beast kept to the unincorporated province which lies just outside Daisy’s realm, but when he finally approached Daisy’s kingdom, he proceeded to urinate upon the ground just outside the gates of her vast estates. Very Rude!
After a few weeks had passed, Daisy was betrayed by her loyal attendants, being taken from her home and deposited unceremoniously upon a carpet in the lowlands beneath her kingdom. Worse yet, he was there too. Daisy mainly kept to herself, hoping that this nightmarish coup d’état would soon be over, but he refused to leave her to her solitude. Queen Daisy may have the weak and feeble body of a rabbit, but she has the heart and stomach of a king, and she served quick justice to the warlord in the form of a powerful chomp upon his furry chest. Her attendants quickly jumped to their senses, rescuing the powerful noble from further harm and returning her to her quarters. Based on their sudden reaction, the Lady figured that they must have fallen under some sort of mind control from the heinous hare.
Daisy made sure to keep an eye on her attendants from then onward, but they nevertheless proceeded to abduct her and deposit her alongside the reprehensible rabbit several times within the next few fortnights. Worse yet, earlier this month, Daisy herself suffered extreme territory losses, her estate crippled to a quarter of its once-grand reach with barbaric metal fencing installed to prevent her escape. Her only solace is that it appears that the villainous Count Kipper has also been contained to a realm of a similarly small footprint.
As of late, Daisy continues her good fight, nipping at the invader whenever he dares to thrust his bulbous snout past the barrier which separates their lands. Recently, she has begun pondering why the devious count never appears to fight back. Is it because, perhaps, he sees her as a potential ally? Preposterous! If he wanted to seek her allyship, he should never have requisitioned her home, her servants, and her freedom.
The Honorable Queen Daisy wishes to conclude this message with a moment of humility. She recognizes that some challenges are too large for a small rabbit to bear on her own, and requests that the loyal subjects reading this aid her in this fight such that the good and righteous may conquer the wicked and evil. If you have any information or resources that may help her vanquish the insidious interloper, please let it be known to her aides. The fate of our empire hangs in the balance.
Jarvis (’26 T5) is a CT staff member and official media correspondent for the court of honorable Queen Daisy. Please direct all media requests regarding Daisy toward Jarvis.
