On the most recent anniversary of my eviction from the womb, I turned the key to my dorm and swung open the door to discover a startling sight: Geedis.
If you’re familiar with my work at the Campus Times, you may be acquainted with the ongoing saga of Geedis, a silly little guy/godlike being who haunts my dreams and once turned himself into a bee. These accounts, tongue-in-cheek works of fiction (or so the government would have you believe), are based on the real-life tale of a mysterious vintage Geedis pin that sparked an online search to uncover just what the heck Geedis was. Imagine my surprise when my elaborate ruse to publish Geedis fanfiction in the Campus Times began to bleed into reality.
Geedis reveals himself
It was a perfectly staged scene. Gazing into my darkened room, the light from the hallway formed a perfect rectangle around the image of a single sheet of paper, lying there on the floor to my room.
It was a picture of Geedis, helpfully labeled “GEEDIS.” In larger font, it said “GEEDIS IS LOST, CAN YOU FIND HIM?” I picked it up and turned it over to discover a kind of riddle:
“Geedis haunts the dormitory hall
While the GAC spreads and festers all over the walls
So green and Irish, hope you don’t trip
Here on the next episode of MTV Cribs”
Bad verse, perhaps, but a mystery if I ever saw one. But I had promised to meet my friends Jamie and Winston for lunch in a few short minutes, and I couldn’t make myself late pondering over the vaguely threatening message from Geedis. I snapped a couple pictures of Geedis and the riddle and went to lunch.
Sitting around a table in Hirst, I regaled Jamie and Winston with the story of the mysterious appearance of Geedis. Was it a prank by the CT? By someone in URTV? By someone bent on destroying the Irish? They smirked. I began to suspect that something was afoot.
Talking it over with them, I laid out my suspicions as to the meaning of the riddle. There were clear references to a URTV video I had once directed, in which the GAC was not just a building, but also a green goop that lay within it, ready to devour any students current University president Sarah Mangelsdorf deemed unworthy. It had also included a segment inspired by MTV Cribs, in which the “crib” in question had been a small green cabinet in Spurrier.
I determined that “the next episode of MTV Cribs” sounded awfully like a directive to return to Spurrier and find the cabinet. Jamie and Winston would divulge nothing, but when I headed in the direction of Spurrier, they followed knowingly.
The hunt for Geedis
Opening the cabinet unveiled another Geedis poster taped to the inside, with another riddle on the back. With references to walking in circles and being “trapped for a decade,” it was a clear reference to the fourth-floor room in Rush Rhees where URTV once investigated an ancient hermit of a TV Director.
There we found another Geedis taped to the door, whose riddle spoke of Dick Cheney, Joe Biden, and mac and cheese.
Naturally, I headed straight for the grass in front of Strong Auditorium and the Interfaith Chapel.
This proved to be a fruitless diversion after I spent a few unsuccessful minutes scouring the area for Geedis. After some nudging in the right direction, I recalled that after being peddled by Dick Cheney, my precious mac and cheese had met its ultimate fate in a bubbling pot on the ninth-floor Anderson kitchen stove. (It makes sense in context, I promise.) We headed back across campus to continue the search.
At this point, we were up against the clock and determined to find Geedis before having to depart to our respective classes. We ran into a few inquisitive students on our way, but I just told them “We’re looking for Geedis” and trusted they would understand. This was also the most exercise I had done in weeks. After making the trek and taking the elevator to the ninth floor, another clue was discovered on the side of the refrigerator.
Rather deviously, it referred to Geedis inhabiting a “disc world,” which, rather than a misspelled homage to the beloved series of fantasy novels — incidentally, you should read Discworld — turned out to be a reference to my equally beloved WRUR.
I knew exactly where to go. Jamie and Winston followed me to the radio station, whereupon the faint sounds of Tally Hall’s “Banana Man” marched gloriously into my ears.
There, in plain view in the FM studio, was Geedis himself.
Geedis found at last
I peeled Geedis off the monitor where he sat. “YOU found Geedis,” he declared. I turned him over.
On the other side of Geedis there was a heartfelt birthday message that took me by complete surprise. I read it and hugged my friends. Jamie told me they had spent the earlier hours of the day hiding the Geedises (Geedi?) all across campus. I honestly hadn’t expected any birthday commemoration, let alone the kind of madcap scheme only someone as insane as I am would engage in. I was touched.
Time, of course, will tell if this was part of another ruse by Geedis to trap me in his realm of suffering, but meanwhile, go give your friends a hug or something. If there’s a moral to this story, it’s that sometimes friendship comes in a Geedis-shaped package, and that is both terrifying and profound. Maybe one day, I will even find it in myself to make peace with and befriend Geedis. After all, if not friend, why friend-shaped?
Actually, I take that back. Look at Geedis’s eyes. THE EYES!!!
