Now that another season of the beloved Hallows Eve has passed, it’s time to look back on the best and the worst of this year’s costumes. After all, the only thing sweeter than dressing up to release your inner witch, vampire, slutty kitten or guy-trying-to-get-away-with-not-wearing-a-costume is knowing that you’re beating everyone else in the grand competition. This competition is not just to have the most creative, bold or expensive costume; it is also to have the one that pushes boundaries, makes you larger-than-life and ultimately defines the night. With these parameters, I will now seek to order the top-20 costumes seen this weekend from worst to best.
20. Every one of you who thought cat ears constituted an entire costume.
19. People who made no effort to dress up (at least they’re honest with themselves).
18. People who went as dentists (the lions think it’s still too soon).
17. Anyone who went as a “ghost” and stayed in to binge on “American Horror Story.”
16. People who dressed up as police officers but wouldn’t frisk me.
15. Those who tried to wear a pot on their head to advocate for the legalization of marijuana.
14. Those five or six people who dressed up as sober.
13. Hairdos styled after Pablo Escobar.
12. White costumes in honor of Pablo Escobar’s number-one trade.
11. People who dressed up as my friend (Thanks guys! I need you all).
10. Anyone brave enough to dress up as a barista instead of a sexy schoolgirl.
9. Any costume that referenced cheap beer, particularly Keith Stone.
8. People who dressed up for holidays other than Halloween.
7. Obscure color references to WeBWorK.
6. Costumes with really bright colors (Don’t ask me why, but those just really do it for me).
5. Disney princesses (Still not sure why, it’s just something I’m into).
4. People who dressed up as police offers and would frisk me.
3. Anyone dressed as Batman.
2. Anyone dressed as Slutty Batman.
1. Anyone who dressed up in “The Classic”: a “Make America Great Again” hat with a blonde comb over and a gaudy suit.
Mistler-Ferguson is a member of the class of 2017.