Once upon a time, there was a well-loved princess.
The princess had been taught proper manners. She was always agreeable and accommodating, and was never aggressive or demanding.
She took these lessons on how to behave into the bedroom, being sure to do all the right things, make all the right noises and never do anything to embarrass her partner.
Even though she was careful to be well-behaved in the bedroom, the princess had never been truly sexually satisfied.
She longed to have that moment all mothers describe to their daughters–an orgasm, said to be the best feeling in all the land.
The princess discussed her longing with her mother, the queen, who became distraught over her precious princess’s troubles.
The queen, a good mother, made a proclamation to all the land. The queen promised the first person to give her princess an orgasm the choice of anything her queendom could provide.
Knights and farmers, duchesses and maids all came to the castle in an attempt to bring their princess her greatest carnal wish.
At first, the princess tried to see anyone kind enough to come to the castle. She felt that for all their efforts and goodwill she owed them the opportunity to attempt to please her.
But, some of the country people who visited the princess were selfish and greedy. Even the ones who were very sexually skilled only made the princess frustrated and sad.
Some of the country people made her quite happy, though, even allowing her to forget how badly she wished for an orgasm. In time, she noticed that the people who made her frustrated and sad were the ones who were only interested in the prize offered by her mother. The country people who came to her out of love for her and the kingdom, however, were the ones who made her happiest.
Upon this realization, the princess asked the queen to retract the prize she offered. Respectful of her daughter’s wishes, the queen did as her daughter asked. From then on, the princess only allowed the country people whom she believed were good and genuine to see and attempt to please her.
The princess was much happier from then on, but she still had not achieved her wish.
One day, a kind and respectful carpenter came to please the princess. On that day, for no particular reason, the princess had particularly high hopes of achieving her wish.
The carpenter was patient and skilled, but still the princess did not feel an orgasm coming. Overcome with frustration and impatience, the princess forgot her good manners, grabbed the wrist of the hand the carpenter was using and moved it a little bit upwards and to the right.
Suddenly, she felt very good, which interrupted her from her instinct to apologize to the carpenter for her assertiveness.
Within another minute, it happened. The princess had an orgasm. She was so happy that she wanted to thank the carpenter, but before she had the chance, he gave her a soft kiss, smiled at her and whispered, “Thanks for the hint.”
Later, when the princess went to tell her mother and celebrate, her mother asked who was finally able to please her dear princess, for she wanted to thank them.
The princess described the carpenter, but as she did, she remembered his words, “Thanks for the hint.”
The princess realized that in that moment that it wasn’t the carpenter that made her orgasm happen, but it was she herself that finally knew how to do it.
Having finally taken control over her sexuality, the princess lived happily ever after and had many, many orgasms.
Armstrong is a member of the class of 2016.
