I’m a trans woman on campus. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship due to fears about my body and how people will react to it. I think this avoidance has really harmed my self-confidence. How can I put myself out there without fear of violence or danger?
I completely understand your fears and why they have made you less willing to seek out a romantic partner. Dating is difficult for everyone, but it can be even more difficult when you’re unsure of how a partner may react to who you are.
I’d suggest joining several different groups that are LGBT-friendly here on campus such as Pride or Campus Feminists (feminism is the treatise of equality for all people) that are accepting and safe venues.
There are also two local groups here in Rochester that I think you’d find especially relevant: The Rochester grrlz (a male to female trans community) at https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/rochesternygrrlz/info and more generally the Trans Alliance of Greater Rochester at http://rnytg.org. There are also other groups in the greater community such as http://www.southerntiertrans.org, http://www.spectrumwny.org, http://www.pridecenterwny.org and http://transgenderalliance.ning.com.
If you’re uncertain about interacting with people face to face, then you can always begin by bonding online with the thousands of other transgender people on websites such as http://www.transgendercare.com/, http://www.youthresource.com, http://www.transsexual.org or http://www.tsroadmap.com/index.html.
I’m guessing that much of your concern comes from feeling unique and different from the general population, but all of these groups are comprised of people that
differ in terms of sexual identity, sexual orientation and physiology. Surrounding yourself with others who represent many different levels of diversity should help provide you with both a support network and a safe environment to meet new people and provide some ideas you about where to meet potential romantic partners.
Hopefully some of these friendships may blossom into something more, but in the interim this environment can help strengthen your self-confidence in who you are, which is an attractive feature for any future partner.
I’m 43 and a grad student, and I’m still a virgin. Sometimes I go to frat parties fishin’ for putang, but no-one ever bites. How can I increase my odds of railing a chick?
Based on your question, I can only hope that you’re using colloquial expressions without realizing how offensive and juvenile they are and how ignorant they make you seem.
The glaring first step would be to reconsider the way you’re thinking about/talking about women. “Fishing for putang” and “railing a chick” are crass, objectifying, limiting, and disrespectful expressions; attitudes that (surprise!) most women can easily detect even during a short conversation.
Women will find this perspective not only insulting but also repulsive, hence your years of poor success. I’d suggest first learning to view women as people with whom you can converse, and then work on honing your basic social skills so that you can maintain positive social interactions.
After you’ve achieved this important, large and necessary first step, you can then turn your attention to establishing a sexual relationship.
I’m interested in dating a professor of mine (she isn’t married). I figured I would start by complimenting her a few times towards the end of the semester, trying to get a more personal conversation going, and then maybe asking her after grades are submitted if she’d like to go out sometime. She is about 35 and I’m about 20.
Although developing affection for someone with whom you interact with regularly is understandable, I’d recommend finding a new romantic interest who is free to date you. Not only is it illegal for any faculty member to date a current student, but it could also cause a professional scandal and cost her her job.
I’m sure you have only the best of intentions and that she’d be flattered, but it’s a situation that can’t ultimately have the outcome you desire.
Estrada is a visiting assistant professor in the Department of Clinical & Social Psychology.
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