According to all known codes of morality, there is little reason that the University should build a 20-story-high parking lot.

Its existence would be too unsightly and its fat little body would block out the sun.

The University, of course, could build it anyway, because why would it care about what students think?

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! I love looking at pavement markings.

As you can see, I am a total proponent for the University building a 20-story-high parking lot. I believe that the University deserves it as a little treat. 

When I asked [Redacted] what he thought about this initiative, he declined to comment, saying that he believed the University should “go fuck itself” for its “parking issues.” Clearly a huge fan of the way that the University runs things!

I have to add that, sure, the total eclipse of the sun under the menacing shadow of the parking lot MIGHT bring negligible impacts upon the University, but the worst that can happen is a total ice age of everything in the path of the parking lot’s shadow. That’s a risk I’m willing to take for the sake of more parking on campus!



Mangelsdorf spotted protesting for Palestine, pledges to support students

“My responsibility as [UR’s] president is to protect and support students,” Mangelsdorf told the crowd.

Good advice Brian

Well, that’s too bad – I’m actually just going to gatekeep all of this information. You won’t get a peep out of me.

Exclusive interview: the little guys inside the Wilco speakers

In an exclusive interview with the CT on Sunday, I sat down with Dirm Pittleford, the chieftain of the little guys in the Wilco speakers, to find out more.