For many young adults, rough sex practices that were previously considered “out there” are becoming more commonplace, much to the chagrin of leading sex researchers. Hitting, spitting, name-calling, and even sexual strangulation — commonly referred to as choking — are activities that were once reserved for the most sexually experienced and exploratory, but are becoming standard practice for those aged 18 through 26.
Sexual strangulation is the act of restricting a partner’s airflow by using hands, arms, or other devices. Those who enjoy sexual strangulation typically say the euphoric feeling of the return of oxygen or trust put into their partner is what makes this behavior sexually gratifying. Seen as an extreme action sometimes performed during rough sex, there are many ethical questions surrounding sexual strangulation. For example, what happens when an individual is choked to the point of being unable to speak, and therefore unable to revoke consent if things go too far? Besides, there really is not a way to “safely” strangle someone. For these reasons, sexual strangulation is considered a “risky sex practice.”
The rise in extreme sexual behavior is concerning in part because of a perceived tendency towards violence against women; young women (and non-cisgender folk) report being strangled during sexual encounters at an alarmingly disproportionate rate compared to men, but also in part because of emerging research suggesting that repeated sexual strangulation can lead to long-term changes in neurobiology.
Yes, you read that correctly. Scientists are finding evidence that being frequently choked during sex by your partner could actually change the way your brain functions.
A group of college-aged women at a large Midwestern university were separated into a frequently-choked group and a control group of women who have not been choked during sex. Both were subjected to fMRIs, brain scans, activities to test response time and processing, and mental health and substance abuse screenings.
After the testing was completed, the choking group showed evidence of the right hemisphere outperforming and overworking the left hemisphere, a symptom commonly found in those who suffer from mood disorders. The choking group also showed an increase in cortical thickness, as well as a decrease in gyrification, or cortical folding.
Cortical thickness is the measure of the gray matter in the brain’s outermost layer, the cortex. Typically seen thinning after childhood, cortical thickness can be attributed to positive factors, such as increased intelligence and resilience, but also negative factors, such as Alzheimer’s disease. Researchers are concerned by cortical thickening in young adults caused by strangulation because it could have long term effects on neural structure.
The lack of cortical folds or significant decrease of gyrification in women who have been frequently choked during sex proves to be an even more concerning aspect. Gyrification is associated with increased neural processing, as an increase in cortical folds in the cortex is associated with faster neuron communication. An average individual’s brain continues gyrification until late adulthood, when the trend reverses. During the reaction and processing tests, scans showed the choking group recruited more resources from across the brain to perform at the same level as the control group. This is consistent with an assumption that decreased gyrification requires more effort from other areas of the brain.
It must be acknowledged that these results cannot determine any direct causation without a shadow of a doubt, but they do raise many questions about the effects of consistent sexual strangulation. The answers are unknown at the moment, but longitudinal studies following choking and control groups for extended periods of time could possibly reveal more information.
Keisuke Kawata, a leading researcher in neuroscience at Indiana University and leading researcher of both studies referenced above, told the New York Times that he fears that long-term effects of frequent sexual strangulation could mirror those of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE): a degenerative brain disease commonly associated with the sub-concussive blows sustained by NFL players. CTE is associated with cognitive impairment, loss of motor control, and mood and behavioral changes. Even more concerning is the scientific evidence showing that cerebral hypoxia — lack of oxygen to the brain — for extended and repeated periods can lead to cell necrosis.
All of the above are very valid reasons to discourage participation in sexual choking. Let’s look at the reality, though.
A survey conducted by yours truly of individuals aged 18 through 26 and their sexual habits garnered 113 responses from UR students and their college-aged extended friends and family. Respondents varied in age, gender, and sexual identity, but the majority of each were female (68.1%), aged 21 years (45.1%), and identified as bisexual (38.9%) or straight (33.6%). Of the 113 respondents, 67 (59.3%) reported that they have been hit by a partner during intercourse, while 76 (67.3%) stated they had never hit their own partner during intercourse. Of the 67 who had been hit, 17 reported that their partner had not asked before hitting them. Meaning most respondents have been hit during sex, but have never been the one to hit another.
Of the 113 respondents that said they had been hit, 59.3% reported having engaged in impact play (the technical term for consensual hitting) during sex one or more times in the past two months.
The number of our peers that participate in impact play was higher than I expected, but I definitely wasn’t expecting the amount of my peers participating in sexual strangulation: A whopping 90 respondents (79.6%) reported being choked by a sexual partner during their lifetime. That’s over three quarters of respondents — that is 20% more people than those who have been hit during sex. Of those that reported being choked, 61.3% stated their partner asked before choking them, and just over a quarter of those who have been choked during sex reported being choked to the point of being unable to speak, breathe, vision going dark or fuzzy, or even loss of consciousness (27.1%). Over half of respondents said they had been choked at least once during intercourse in the past two months.
What is especially strange about this result is an almost exact split on whether respondents had performed choking themselves: 57 report having choked a partner, and 56 report never choking a partner.
However, it’s not just the choking that concerns me in regards to my peers — it’s about how the 32.4% of respondents who said their partners did not ask before choking. Some were kind enough to clarify that if they responded “no” to this question, it was because the action was agreed upon and discussed fully before sex was even initiated. I applaud you, for your capability to have healthy sexual relationships and talk about your desires. Most of us cannot or will not do the same. Take it from another surveyor, who took the time to clarify that they had been choked by individuals of varying gender identities, and “the non-men have all asked, the men have not.”
I’m not the first to study sexual strangulation and notice this phenomenon: Many sex researchers have noted that young women feel as though men expect them to enjoy being choked, while young men are under the assumption that women want to be choked. In a heterosexual pairing, this leads to conflict: Both parties are under the impression that their partner expects this sexually-advanced action, leading to the implicit assumption that choking will be involved in the sexual encounter, regardless of whether or not either partner finds choking to be enjoyable.
Maybe part of why so many young people expect sexual strangulation is because of its prevalence in popular culture and media. Music from Jack Harlow and Corpse use choking as tropes in the choruses of their recent popular tracks. Memes online, especially during the COVID-19 lockdown, gravitated towards cracking jokes about extreme sexual behavior such as slapping, spitting, choking, and even knife play. Add “normalizing hardcore kinks” to your “Unexpected Side Effects of Quarantine” list.
The pornography our generation has had unfettered access to since we received our first handheld device no doubt has played a role in this as well. Generations are being exposed to pornography at increasingly young ages, and the type of pornography that isn’t behind a paywall is typically violent in nature and generally exploitative of women. All the while, the youths are taking in highly-dramatized depictions of sex and using it as the ultimate how-to guide on seducing women. Wine me, dine me, choke me until I can’t speak to ask you to stop.
And don’t expect sex education to help with this, as many states in America do not even require medically accurate sex education in schools.
The only solution lies in the hands of those we are most concerned about: ourselves. We can have conversations around sexual behaviors and what is safe for ourselves. We can foster healthy sexual relationships by having the maturity to talk about our interests and hard lines before we even get to the point of slapping or choking. We can educate our friends on the possible neurobiological consequences of sexual strangulation so that they can make informed decisions for themselves.
This isn’t even to entirely disparage the practice itself. After all, let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and there are no rocks in my hands for me to throw — even if I wanted to.
Everyone has a vice. Something that we do even though we know it isn’t necessarily good for us. Smoking cigarettes, vaping, drinking in excess, a midnight handful of cheese for the lactose intolerant.
If yours is choking, you need to be aware of the effects it could have on your health or the health of your partner. You also need to be able to communicate every possible aspect about this interest to your partner. If you can’t, stop. And go back to the basics.
*Please note: Unless hitting or any other action was explicitly and mutually agreed upon before the sexual encounter, you must ask for consent every time. Relationships are different from person to person, and if you cannot verbalize what you want to do during sex, you’re not mature enough to be doing it. Period. Full Stop. End of story.
