How to lose faith in men in 10 dates

With Valentine’s Day coming up, I’ve been spending a lot of time appreciating my boyfriend. I know how yucky men can get,and I’m so lucky that my current partner is hella swag. He’s nice, obsessed with me (and Mock Trial), and most importantly, he does my laundry for me. I’m pretty proud of myself for finding a partner that my friends met and didn’t immediately go, “Really? Him?” It doesn’t get better than this.

If you don’t believe me, just keep reading. Here’s a list of the very questionable men I’ve dated:

1. The one who peed in bottles and left them under his bed to marinate.
2. The one who cosplayed Eric Harris (yes, one of the Columbine shooters) thinking it would get him laid.
3. The one who told me that the real Alexander Hamilton was an African American man and claimed that I just didn’t pay attention in seventh grade U.S. history when I corrected him.
4. The one who made a mega straw out of multiple normal straws and used it to slurp from other people’s drinks while I was sobbing as his best friend yelled at me.
5. The one who didn’t allow me to call other guys cute but would make out with other men in front of me.
6. The one who told me I wouldn’t get “Rick and Morty” because I was just too SJW.
7. The one who would show me pictures of his “World of Warcraft” girlfriend and tell me she was ugly so it was okay he was cheating on me.
8. The one who told me he tried to kill himself after his ex left him the very first time I met him.
9. The one who told me, a Muslim woman, he wanted to read the Quran so he could understand terrorists better.
10. The one who brought an Airsoft gun to school as a trial run for his eventual real school shooting.

So yes, my current boyfriend might mutter objections in his sleep and skip his classes to read witness statements, but this is, at least, all relatively normal. He showers. He brushes his teeth. He has never attempted to shoot up a school. I think I’m pretty lucky.

And with Valentine’s Day coming up, I think everyone should realize that it can get so much worse before it gets better.