Hi! I’m Nix, the demon girl who lives by that super hot spot in the tunnels. Everyone thinks I’m the Devil, but they’re wrong — I’m just your everyday college demon girl who’s here to study every subject her heart desires. I write because being the only demon girl on campus is a little lonely, but I have a lot of fun experiences I want to share!
Damn, I’m hot. As if it wasn’t obvious by the black bikini with red flames that I’ve been wearing this week.
It’s not like I had a choice. Apparently when over a foot of snow is dumped on Rochester and temperatures plummet to 14 degrees Fahrenheit, roasted Demon Girl goes on the menu. Anyone who’s been in the tunnels this week knows exactly what I mean. Someone decided to crank the heat up to eleven thousand degrees.
It happens every year. The school, probably thinking that I, a demon, actually enjoy hot environments, cranks the heat all the way up, possibly to test whether all the asbestos on campus is really incombustible. It creates an uncomfortable situation where I’m forced to migrate to Gleason, or worse, iZone. But I can’t study and write answers to homework if all the paper in my room spontaneously combusts! Plus, it means that I can never get my food anything but extra crispy.
I woke up bright and early Tuesday at 7 a.m. to find that my midterm was postponed to next week. I shouldn’t have been surprised — one of my classmates did sell his soul to me on Monday afternoon so he wouldn’t have to take the midterm.
So, my Tuesday being suddenly wide open, I went outside in shorts and a cami and enjoyed the snow… except no, I didn’t, because I didn’t grow up in Vermont or Alaska. I grew up in the warm bowels of Hell. The coldest it ever got was when they blasted the AC in Hellementary School.
Instead of freezing to undeath, I made sure to dress a bit more conservatively, a hoodie and some cute jeans, and went out to explore the snow. I did the usual: had a “cherry” (totally not blood) ice and made a few snow imps! The cuties were overlooking everything: the path that runs alongside Rettner, the flagpoles, the plaza in front of Grab-And-Go, and of course, Eastman Quad. I even had one possess the statue of George Eastman. I’m sure he’ll enjoy the postcard I sent back home to him!
My project resulted in the creation of around 30 snow imps, an army ready to take flight and give students some much-needed warmth. After a warm cup of soup and some studying, I went back out around midnight to enjoy the chilly weather.
You know, it’s quite funny to see what people do when it snows, especially late at night. Sure, you see the big snow-dicks the following morning, but very few people see the dickheads who make them in action. Not only is it annoying and really not funny, but it’s also academically dishonest. The people who do this should at least cite the great Asmodeus, who, when he was 16, made Hell’s first soot-dick. Sure, volcanic ash and snow have a very different chemical composition, but in the end, when it comes to making art, the only difference is that snow melts, and ash doesn’t. It was a waste of your time anyway — think of all the sleep you could have gotten. Think of your midterm on Thursday that you could’ve studied for.
But when all was said and done, I did what any normal person up at 4:30 a.m. with a 9 a.m. class the next day would do. I snacked on a soul! I won’t reveal if it was a student’s, administrator’s, or that of some random jogger up for an early-morning run, but it left me feeling energized and ready for the rest of the week.
