‘Tis the season of PSLs, sugar rushes, and playing dress-up. In the spirit of Halloween, I’ve conjured up five tried-and-true sex tips inspired by some of the most interesting costumes I’ve seen this year. These iconic couples have been together for ages now, so they have to be doing something right, right?
Here’s what these costumes tell me about these characters’ sex lives:
Bugs and Lola – Foreplay
Want to know what keeps Bugs and Lola doing it like rabbits?
Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay.
Foreplay is an essential part of the lovemaking experience. It’s defined as any act that creates and enhances sexual desire in a sexual partner—including kissing, touching, embracing, talking, and teasing.
Areas known as erogenous zones, or e-zones, are particularly sensitive to this type of stimulation. The 11 most sensitive e-zones are the inner thighs, nose, nipples, navel, toes, back, ears, nape of neck, back of knees, lower abs, and the mind (intellectual stimulation counts too).
According to Men’s Health, foreplay is to sex what stretching is to a workout: “easy to skip, but essential for great results.” You wouldn’t put jam on bread without toasting it first, right?
Shrek and Fiona – Chocolate Massage
Who can forget the lust in Shrek and Fiona’s eyes when they were soaking in the swamp mud bath together under the moonlight? Take a page out of their fairy tale book and get dirty with your partner—literally.
Put that leftover or half-priced candy to good use and give your partner a luscious chocolate massage. Melt your chocolate of choice to a temperature that softens it enough to lather with, but does not make it hot enough to burn.
Nothing is a bigger turn on than the sensation of warm chocolate dripping down your chest or back. For increased pleasure, gently lick the chocolate off your partner’s body.
The Flintstones – Roleplay
For many, role-playing is one of those things that you’ve thought about trying, but never actually have for fear of being weird or scaring your partner away. If you have sex on Halloween, though, you’re basically halfway there. All you need to do next is act the part.
According to Ian Kerner, author of “She Comes First,” role-playing “has a built-in element of silliness to it, and in the end, it’s supposed to be fun.”
Who knows, if your partner gets really into it and they wore the right costume, maybe they’ll throw you a bone(r).
Woody and Jessie – Morning Sex
If you’ve ever had a sleepover with a guy before, then you’ve woken up to something a little harder than the piercing sound of your alarm clock (think lasso, but shorter, I would hope)—morning wood.
That’s really what Woody meant when he said, “There’s a snake in my boot!”
Morning wood usually leads to morning sex, which, in my personal opinion, is the best type of sex. Who needs coffee when you can feel revitalized without having to leave bed?
Debby Herbenick, author of “Because It Feels Good,” says “Having sex in the morning releases the feel-good chemical oxytocin, which makes couples feel loving and bonded all day.”
Morning sex has also been proven to strengthen your immune system, prompt the production of antibodies that fight against infection, and boost levels of estrogen.
Save a horse and ride a cowboy, ya’ll.
Mrs. Puff and Mr. Krabs – Motorboating
I’m not sure Mrs. Puff teaches this one in boating school, but for your edification, I’ll let you in on the dirty little secret that made Mr. Krabs momentarily forget about money (gasp): motorboating.
Motorboating is formally defined as the act of placing your head between a woman’s breasts and making the sound of a motorboat with your lips while moving the head from side to side.
In the spirit of Halloween why not try something out of character—hell, you’re already dressed up.
Ken Bone – Transparency
If you haven’t decided on what you want your Halloween M.O. to be yet, don’t worry! If you dress up as Ken Bone, you’re intentions are clear.
