I’m just going to cut right to the chase: orgasming can be hard.
Regardless of your gender, it’s likely that at some point, for some reason you’ll have trouble achieving orgasm. This is a hugely popular problem among women biologically. Partially, this is because it is easier for males to orgasm, but mostly because the general population isn’t taught how to do it correctly. Since this problem is more directed at women, I’ll focus on addressing the female orgasm.
Males: this is not time to turn the page and move on to another article! Not only is much of my advice applicable to everyone, but you may also want to learn about the lady stuff so you can impress a partner in the future.
First, you need to consider where to find it. The quickest way to a female orgasm, almost invariably, is via the clitoris. This makes sense, since the clitoris is the female equivalent to a man’s penis.
The clitoris is a little nub located inside the labia majora (the big lips), located near the labia minora (you guessed it, the little lips) and above the urethral and vaginal openings. Now, since the clit is above the vaginal opening, penetrative sex is not always going to hit the spot. If you or your girlfriend are having trouble getting off during sex, try finding a way to give the clit a little more attention–sex is not only about penetration!
I’m sure all the experienced lesbians and bisexuals are thinking, “Um, duh.” You hetero couples are more likely to have missed the message. So go, be enlightened! Grind up on it, use fingers, whatever it takes!
Okay, maybe not whatever it takes; the clitoris is sensitive. Like I said, the clitoris is the female equivalent of the penis. But it’s tiny, so imagine all those penis-y nerve endings condensed into one little nubbin. Whoa. So be careful, and tread lightly at first.
Still having trouble? Maybe it’s anxiety. Especially if you’re with a partner, it’s easy to feel a lot of pressure to get to the finish line. And ironically enough, that usually pushes the finish line further away. Like a treadmill, an evil, treadmill. Your mind is powerful.
I think the best thing to do in this case is to take away the finish line altogether. Tell yourself and your partner, “I just want to have the best sex I can, orgasm or no orgasm.”
Make your goal be to achieve the most physical pleasure you can, not to have an orgasm. Without the expectation of an orgasm or the focus on getting there, you may be able to relax enough to let it come naturally.
Another alternative is to orgasm on your own. For many, orgasming is something you have to learn–it doesn’t just happen. Face it–you are better equipped than anyone else to understand just what you’re feeling, and to adjust your actions accordingly. Plus, being alone can help take some pressure off.
My last piece of advice: get a vibrator. If all else fails, this is a tool engineered to get you to that big O, so invest. You don’t have to go to a store, just go online. Adam & Eve is a good place to start. Vibrators, besides being a good time, can be an excellent way to find your orgasm. They’re powerful, they’re patient, and they will not give up on you.
So do not give up! Have faith in the big O, and even if you don’t get there, remember that achieving orgasm is not everything–after all, if you never finish, you can go as many rounds as you like.
Armstrong is a member of the class of 2016.
To submit an anonymous question, visit sex-thect.tumblr.com/ask.
