1. Workers at Douglass Dining Center registers:
Woman 1: ‘Did you try my cucumber tomato salad?”
Woman 2: ‘No, is there any left?”
Woman 1: ‘I don’t know, but it was off the chizzzzzain!”

2. In Gleason Library:
‘No, no, no, we are going to integrate like real men.”

3. A Danforth worker:
‘None of my bitches love me anymore. I just called like eight bitches, and none of them picked up. Hold on…” (phone rings) ‘It’s my mom.”

4. The Quad:
Guy 1: (Yelling across the Quad) ‘Watch your back! I know where you sleep!”
Guy 2: (Next to him, also yelling loudly) ‘Yeah, he’s gay, he might try to slip it in!”

5. At the burrito stand in Douglass Dining Center:
Worker: ‘What you want on your burrito?”
Student: ‘Beans and rice.”
Worker: ‘Black beans or refried?”
Student: ‘Both.”
Worker: ‘Ohhhh, that’s gonna hurt comin’ out!”

6. Frat-looking boy smelling strongly of alcohol:
‘You just have to get used to going to class tipsy.”

7. Pasta lady in Douglass Dining Center: ‘What’s wrong, Tony, you dehydrated?”
Quesadilla guy in Douglass: ‘No, but the beans are.”

8. One girl talking to another, walking from Crosby to Wilson Commons:
‘You can’t accidentally sleep with someone!”

9. On the bus to Southside:
Girl: ‘I failed my statistics exam.”
Guy: ‘Oh no, what happened?”
Girl: ‘I can’t do statistics.”

10. ‘Oh yeah… the blood drive. I want to give blood. Do you think they’ll take my blood with all this alcohol in it?”


Jung is a member of the class of 2011.



Don’t save the bees!

And you know what the worst part of it is? Not a single one of them apologized afterward. They just went back to their frivolous bee activities.

Dr. Olidamra’s commitment to benefiting armadillo research

“Yeah, he’s a bit... weird about his armadillos,” Deckham added, awkwardly shuffling his feet. “Like, he talks to them. A lot.”

Free the monkeys

These poor creatures were being experimented on to learn calculus, neuroscience, electrical circuitry, and art. They were staying up until 4 a.m. trying to figure out how to complete these wild assignments.