The Campus Crime Connection, after reporting on countless juvenile infractions and recognizing the imminent reign of President-elect Joel Seligman, has decided UR should seriously consider removing undergraduates from the campus as a step toward increasing UR’s reputation.Frankly, our undergraduate student body is just childish. We have students smoking up in the back rooms of Wilson Commons. We have students trashing our skate rinks. We have students ripping up seats while they are drunk. What we don’t have is a strong incentive to keep these mindless buffoons off our beautiful campus.After all, how much do undergraduates really contribute to UR? Very little.They whine, moan, complain, get drunk, smoke pot, steal trays, egg cars and cause wanton destruction. And for what? A measly $32,000 a year?No, sir. The CCC asks UR to put its foot down. Stop this insanity, this lunacy and ameliorate this condition. UR lags behind peer institutions in this field. It is time for UR to again lead the field in university ass covering, as it did in the case of Napster.Undergraduates, you know your time has come. No more sweet talk. No more babying from tight-lipped Matt Burns. We have two words for you – “Go home!”
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It can be uncomfortable and deeply frustrating to hear people say things about these sensitive topics that feel inaccurate, unacceptable, and sometimes hurtful.
beans
Please stop messing with my pants
It started off with small things. One morning, the cuffs of my pants were slightly shorter, almost imperceptibly so.
fight
We must keep fighting, and we will
While those with power myopically fret about the volume of speech and the health of grass, so many instead turn their attention to lives of hundreds of thousands of human beings.