Learn how to tell if 'he's just not that into you'

It’s like a slap in the face at first. But then after an undefined period of time, depending on the reader, one enters a state of spiritual enlightenment. I am not referring to the feeling that one possesses after “finding God,” or after he or she realizes that the Earth actually spins on its axis after a series of mind-alternating substances – this is better. Say the words out loud yourself – he’s just not that into you.”He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys,” written by Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt, a writer and a consultant for “Sex and the City” respectively, explores the importance of this very phrase. The book focuses on 11 main chapters, which dictate clues for the female reader to use in order to tell if a guy is not interested in her – He’s just not that into you if – “He’s Not Asking You Out,” “He’s Not Calling You,” “He’s Not Dating You,” “He’s Not Having Sex with You,” “He’s Having Sex with Someone Else,” “He Only Wants to See You When He’s Drunk,” “He Doesn’t Want to Marry You,” “He’s Breaking Up with You,” “He’s Disappeared on You,” “He’s Married (and Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable)” and “if He’s a Selfish Jerk, a Bully, or a Really Big Freak.” For the college-aged reader, some of the chapters, such as those pertaining to marriage are irrelevant – however, the other seemingly obvious themes, which reign throughout most of the book, are useful and relevant to the average college student.The book is predominately written by Behrendt, who uses his stereotypically male and honest point of view to tell women what men are looking for and how to tell if they are not looking for them. Each chapter revolves around fake letters written to Behrendt by women who make excuses for the man’s lack of interest in them. Behrendt then responds with his own analysis of the female’s position and advises her to move on. Most of these letters end with the title phrase – he’s just not that into you. Tuccillo ends each chapter with her own questions and analysis of Behrendt’s opinions, representing their female readership. The reader is able to sympathize with Tuccillo because she feels exactly the way that she does. While most chapters end by telling the reader that their potential special someone is not interested in them, Behrendt and Tuccillo emphasize the point that the reader is deserving of someone special and her time will come soon enough.Finally, each chapter contains a checklist, representing the themes that the reader should have learned by its end. These short phrases are often harsh, but are exactly what the girl who is the obsessed-with-the-not-at-all-interested-guy needs to hear. For example, two of my favorite key ideas are from the chapter, “He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you” – “If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind” and “You deserve a fucking phone call.” These two statements sum up the book’s two main themes – direct, hurtful truth and the idea that the reader is deserving of something better than the guy that she is currently dating. By the end of the book, the female reader is left with the idea that most successful relationships occur when the male makes the initial effort – therefore, she should just relax and let him make an effort. If he does not, then it would not be a good relationship anyway. She further advises to follow the book’s guidelines and wait for her love life to fall into place. Obviously this is an incredibly unsettling way to walk away from a book, as most women, especially today, are proactive and go after a guy if she is interested in him, but there is also something oddly gratifying in this thought. Our only responsibility, according to Behrendt and Tuccillo, is to wait for Prince Charming to come along and sweep us off our feet, while looking out for the signs that indicate his waning or non-existent interest level. While this idea is lovely, it still does not negate the frustration of not having a relationship, or not having a successful one.But, there is hope for our current and future love lives – so, in the spirit of “He’s Just Not That Into You” – stop making excuses for your guy and move on. Or, if you do not feel that you are capable of this transition, pick up a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” and see what Behrendt and Tucillo have to say for yourself. Katz can be reached at jkatz@campustimes.org.