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Groundhog Day

as per the groundhog way of life, students will be required to return to their dorms immediately after the ceremony and hibernate until the first dandelion (a groundhog’s delicacy) sprouts from the ground.

Students protest against incoming presidential administration, calling it “fascist”

Held in the days following President Trump’s inauguration, the rally featured a combination of prepared speeches, calls to action, an open forum, and chanting.

The downfall of the plateocracy

Now, forks are able to be reunited with families. Plates are able to go home after decades in the kitchen. Spoons are able to live life on the dry-side, no longer submerged in sloppily executed imitations of soups and sauces.